Saturday, 14 July 2012

The Widow

This is a blog by a widow. She lost her husband a few years back. I haven't read all of her posts. She writes first-hand.

It shows that even after many years, a wife still grieves for the loss of her husband.

We can explain happiness but nobody has ever explained the pains of sorrow and grief that humans go through. 

I know mother cats go through a brief grief when they lose a kitten. But humans grief endlessly. In the case of this woman, she said she could not let go of memories of her deceased husband, she always had thoughts of him in present time, and she refused to move on. What do you think this will lead to in the long run?

Depression usually sets in, and if it not controlled, will eventually lead to the death of the person who greatly mourns a beloved person. In this case the beloved person is her deceased husband.

She has grieved for 2 years now, every minute, every day, every year for 2 years.

In my research on The Early Malay Doctors, there were many cases of such grief. So this phenomenon is real and almost always forgotten, and not looked into by family members. People forget that after death, there is considerable amount of grief of the most severe form.

I feel, the best thing in life is still not to be close or attached to anyone. Stay free of dependence, and also develop a sense of distancing. Keeping a distance is better than so much crying after death. That way when the person closest to us dies, we don't have to go through very severe grief. Of course there will be loneliness, unhappiness, change of moods, etc. So it will be good to deal with that loneliness before extreme grief and depression set in.

As far as I have been observing married couples, spouses die within 2 years of the death of their spouse. Some by 5 years, and some by 10 years. Most die within 10 years. The reasons have never been explained but I feel loneliness and all the negative feelings have a role to play. I don't know but I'm just reading the blogs here and there of people living with extreme grief.